Sunday, February 20, 2005
I read on Matt Chesters blog, www.mattchester.com , a long post on this subject and it touched a cord with me as I have been reading books and trying myself to be mindful. Being mindful and present in the moment is not as easy as it sounds, letting thoughts come up and pass through your mind so that you are only engaged in a single activity at one time is not a prevalent thought in our society. For me, this journey of self improvement and self awareness, which I think parralel the idea of mindfulness, started at the begining of last year and a time where I was not making healthy decisions, and what a strange journey it has been. Take a moment to think about all the times you are doing one activity and at the same time your mind is not even really focused at all on that activity. How many times are you daydreaming about the future while driving, while eating, while on your bike. This idea of mindfulness and living in the moment is for me a challange, there are days when I do really well and feel very in touch and connected, there are days in which I dont do so well and feel so not a part of anything and filled with such dought. Then I am reminded that in a quest for mindfulness isnt that I will always be happy and part of being mindful is noting and not fighting the bad feelings, not fighting the flow of feelings. I sometimes think that it is a search for constantness, is that even a word?, but what it really means to me is to create and awareness and knowledge of the self. Aware of motivations and who we really are as humans. One thought that has really helped me to be more aware and more mindful, is to tell myself that we are all a part of a large meaning and that we are all humas just trying to get throught the day and we are all struggleing for happiness and to feel a part of the larger picture. We all feel so small and disconnected, we need to feel more a part of the whole and more interconnected if we are to last as a society. Me, Me,Me. instead of We,WE,WE. That is what being mindful is for me. The biggest skill that has helped me and seems to be at the center of the mindful practice is to pay attention to your breath. Pay attention to all the feelings and more importantly when the mind wanders bring it back to the breath, the simple in and out of the breath. It doesnt need to be deep but usually with practice and focus your breath will deepen, but if it doesnt it doesnt. Another phrase that has helped me through it all is "it is what it is, it isnt what it isnt" THanks for reading the rant, and the meditation thing is not at all easy, I have found that walking meditation works well for me. More later.