Sunday, April 24, 2005
I got this tattoo last winter, it is not finished yet as color needs to be added. It is my challnage for this year, to Believe, not in god but just to believe in myself and what I do.
I think that being a bike racer, and especially an endurance racer forces you to confront demons and vices and at times can lead to self doubt and exahustion. It has forced me to, or persuaded me to define boundaries and limits. I had a very interesting conversation with my mother the other day, and one phrase that stuck with me was:" moderation has always been your challange." I live with the throttle wide open most of the time, constantly in motion, constantly engaged in some form of time constraint, rushing from here to there, and always with a list of chores, activities and events to do. If the throttle is not wide open it usually means that I am the exact opposite, hibernating so to speak. While being in hibernation may sound like a good thing a time of reflection more often than not for me it is a dark hole of self doubt and punishment. I am learning through racing and living and talking and reflecting how to relax, but it is not easy for me. All the time on the bike is my meditaion time to get in touch with me and to work through my mental matrix. Usually after a 24 hr race or an endurance race my mind is at ease and the craziness subsides for awhile, always returning. I am proud of myself recently because I was able to set a limit and stick with it. The real problem is I seem to be prone to over training and overworking myself, and being an endurance racer we have to train for riding while tired, even exhausted so walking that fine line between healthy and over worked/train is difficult, hopefully I will listen next time so that I can catch it a little sooner.
I wonder who won the Trans Iowa. Fassbinder, Curiak, someone else? I am sure we will know soon. Thats all for now.