Friday, November 25, 2005

Rain is back

So I hope thanksgiving was not too overwhelming, and filling. think food coma. here is a list of the Top 10 things that sound dirty at thanksgiving but aren't:>
10. "Reach in and grab the giblets."
>>9. "Whew...that's one terrific spread!"
8. "I am in the mood for a little dark meat!"
7. "Tying the legs together will keep the inside moist."
6. "Talk about a HUGE breast!"
5. "And he forces his way into the end zone!"
4. "She's 5000 pounds fully inflated and it takes 15 men to hold her down."
3. "It's cool whip time!"
2. "If I don't unbutton my pants, I am going to burst!
and the number one thing....
1. "It must be broken 'cause when I push on the tip, nothing squirts out."
Got it in an email and just had to share.

Today I woke up feeling less than good. It seems I just can not get out from under this fatigue. it is a constant ebb and flow, good days followed by bad days for not apparent reason. Today the rain has returned with a vengence so I have been reading and playing on the net. Drinking tea, and coffee and dreaming of sun. It not really as bad as it is made out to be. So here is something I stumbled across, biomimicry, in short learning how nature does things and mimicing it. Taking the emphasis away from oil and gas and our relience on them. The book I am reading right now is here. it talks about sustainable building practices and the such, but it can be realted to all aspects of out lives. For me this illness has been a curse and a blessing. a curse in the sense it has taken me away from my passion racing and competing and finding my mental and physical limits. Blessing in the sense that it has forced me to search out other things to occupy my time and has pushed my mental limits more than any 24 hr race or endurance race ever has. Now this is not a pleasureable experience in the moment which I am currently in, but I feel looking back I will be able to see it as a great experience. that said I am hating it right now, i am so frustrated and feel so fucking weak and lost. It has been redefining, I am fighting it a bit and at times have the urge to just cave and walk away. But then again that is not who I am so I will continue to ask questions of myself and continue to define happiness, what it is and how to get it. I will continue to learn from this struggle as that is the time we learn the most, even though I dont always like it, or want to tackle all that it presents me with. It is quite a scary lonely place to be sometimes, as I appear at times to be complete and healthy it is underneath that I know I am not 100% that the true struggle is. Enough about that for now. Yin yang, another one of those fucking learning experiences. at times I feel I could have done with out this one. as always keep the rubber side down.

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