sorry for the lapse

I have been finishing the house, not mine, but my girlfriends parents, and working at the Brewery. NOw my life is mine again, but due to the push I have to recover a bit before I get some longer rides in. I keep thinking that it has been well over a year since I got sick when really it has been no longer than 10 months since my finally demise. Seems like a fucking eternity, and this recover thing is like learning to ride all over again, because let me tell you I never want to feel the way I did again and still do sometimes, this thing this overtraining syndrome sucks. I know I can and have the desire to ride long distances with lots of suffering, my body just doesnt want to do it yet, so like I said it is like learning to ride again. I have to be happy just riding, 40 miles is a long ride for me, where as before I would be just getting warmed up. I am good for about 2 to 3 hours at the most and on the mtb 1 1/2 is about as long as I can go. I am learnign to reward myself for even being able to do that, in my mind it just seems so small, I want those huge 60 mile mtb rides, on want road rides that last half a day, without feeling like I am going to die. Soon enough for now it is learning to be ok with baby steps, baby steps is the moto of the day. Some days I feel so weak and stupid for doing this to myself, could I have not seen the signs? I am a driven individual and dont do well just resting, but I must trian myself to be good at resting as that is my salvation at this time. I am also only 31 I have many years ahead of good cycling, many years. Perspective helps. Although I still wish this whole thing had never happened it is so mental frustratign and challanging to stay positive, however that is the challange in the whole situation, to find a way to come to peace with it, to nuture and respect the moment and give thanks for the little things. easier said than done, but none the less is anything worthwhile easy? So I am resting, mother nature is helping by providing ample amounts of rain, which make it easy to be inside, sun shining makes it harder because I feel I should be out there enjoying it. well that is all for now. I will attempt to post more regularly now that I have more time, more unstructured me time. good times. as always keep pedaling.