sorry for the lapse

I have been finishing the house, not mine, but my girlfriends parents, and working at the Brewery. NOw my life is mine again, but due to the push I have to recover a bit before I get some longer rides in. I keep thinking that it has been well over a year since I got sick when really it has been no longer than 10 months since my finally demise. Seems like a fucking eternity, and this recover thing is like learning to ride all over again, because let me tell you I never want to feel the way I did again and still do sometimes, this thing this overtraining syndrome sucks. I know I can and have the desire to ride long distances with lots of suffering, my body just doesnt want to do it yet, so like I said it is like learning to ride again. I have to be happy just riding, 40 miles is a long ride for me, where as before I would be just getting warmed up. I am good for about 2 to 3 hours at the most and on the mtb 1 1/2 is about as long as I can go. I am learnign to reward myself for even being able to do that, in my mind it just seems so small, I want those huge 60 mile mtb rides, on want road rides that last half a day, without feeling like I am going to die. Soon enough for now it is learning to be ok with baby steps, baby steps is the moto of the day. Some days I feel so weak and stupid for doing this to myself, could I have not seen the signs? I am a driven individual and dont do well just resting, but I must trian myself to be good at resting as that is my salvation at this time. I am also only 31 I have many years ahead of good cycling, many years. Perspective helps. Although I still wish this whole thing had never happened it is so mental frustratign and challanging to stay positive, however that is the challange in the whole situation, to find a way to come to peace with it, to nuture and respect the moment and give thanks for the little things. easier said than done, but none the less is anything worthwhile easy? So I am resting, mother nature is helping by providing ample amounts of rain, which make it easy to be inside, sun shining makes it harder because I feel I should be out there enjoying it. well that is all for now. I will attempt to post more regularly now that I have more time, more unstructured me time. good times. as always keep pedaling.

I see light....

at the end of the tunnel of work right now, even if it is only for a brief moment. It has been unseasonable cold, sunny and dry here, which has dried the trails out. On sunday I went to an area called Tolt Mcdonald, one short steep climb and then a twisty maze of trails. I got lost more than one might imagine, rode the same trails in opposite directions and even the same for a bit before the spidey senses kicked in and told me that I had been here before. I should have brought the camera, I always forget to get photographic evidence of my adventures. Maybe I will put a post it note on the door that just says camera. I must admit that sometimes my memory fails me. Last year around the same time I had been there with Kent Peterson, we also got horrible lost for a bit. Last week was a lite bike week and a heavy off the bike week, thank god the construction is almost over, they move in this weekend, that also means lots of work this week to get the house finished. Thursday is a fundraiser for SOS, so no snowboarding this week. Hope to get at least one more Mtb ride in this week, am aiming to get one a week in on Sundays usually. Soon I hope to get back to volunteering with the trail building effort under the I 5 here in the city. I am excited to explore this summer, camping, and ripping some new trail.

Speaking of this summer I am going to attmept to get some other items in the works along the lines of this, or this.
Can you believe this, I cant imagine what we are thinking, I am open minded, but this stikes a little close to home, why are our ports controled by anyone other than a us company, I believe that we need to be in control of our own ports, when will the madness stop. How did we get to this point, soon if this all keeps up we may have no control over our borders, I ask with unemployment and all the other social ills is it really smart to give away jobs and control to foreign companies. The more I read and learn the angrier I get, I am sorry, but we need to be aware, each and every one of us. I cant stress this enough. No wonder other nations laugh at us we are more concerned with Britney Spears and K fed or Nick and Jessica than we are with those things that really shape our future. One possible answer that I have come up with is that we no longer feel that democracy is working, we no longer feel that we as a citizen can make a difference. ah yes we are consumers not citzens. Cynical, sarcastic, my defense mechanisms for the state of the nation. I have always thought about getting involved, maybe this will be the year.

In lue of recent events, these have a special place in my heart. order your today.

busy busy busy

So I have been riding a bit more, with gears no less, so that I can get in longer rides with less muscle fatigue. May sound like an excuse, but in my opinion it lets me be on the bike with less risk of over doing it, which is good. Gears only on the road, still one off road. Hoping to get out Sunday with some folks to do a little sampling of the local flavor. Looks to be sunny. We have had lots of sun, and cold, the wind is coming straight down from alaska, unseasonably cold and sunny. I have just been commuting in it though to and from two jobs. It is a bit tiring to work construction during the day and standing on my feet all night at the bar slinging great beer, the construction will end soon thank god, as the weather has been nice and all I have been doing is slaving away. Moderation has never been my strong point, isnt that what got me ill in the first place, so the riding has suffered and so has the recovery a bit, although I put sleep on a high priority, I have even been catching a cat nap here and there to get through the day. So tonight it is off to the hills to teach snowboarding, I have over extended just a bit, but it will suss its self out real soon, hence only the words lately no time to surf the net and get links and pictures etc. I will work on this. Planning for the summer, riding and camping and maybe a few races, nothing definate though, I am keeping it open, next year I would like to be a bit more focused, but that is too far off to plan for right now. Life takes awhile to settle in to, with the move and different job and relationship, right now I am just happy it looks to be smoothing out a bit. hope to take some pictures on sunday, maybe too in to the ride though, we will have to see. as always keep pedaling.

a step in the right direction

I have been throwing around the idea of how to effect change in this crazy reactive world that we live in. I say reative as opposed to proactive, which I wish we would start being, the distint disadvantage to being proactive that if it stops the terrible end result, then it is a sucess, but there is no proof that what you did had any effect. Hence our fasination with only reacting at the last minuete. This group is attacking the suv, and demanding hybrid energy effecient cars be built, which is a step towards where we want to be. However the larger issue which we dont really want to look at is that the cars we drive are only a part of our dependence on foriegn oil. We rely on it for food production, cotton production, pesticides, and just about anything else you can think of. Mind you the above is a very short list of our relience on oil. The creation of hybrids will slow down the rate at which we consume oil, but there is the problem, it will do nothing for such things as congestion and sprawl, two of the major problems with our car dominant culture. IN fact it may only make things worse, as people will move further out of the city, because they are driving fuel effecient cars. I think that more money needs to be put in to alternative forms of transport, I would like to see taxes be put on the driver of the vehicle not the entire society, I would like car free zones in cities, and open spaces for recreation etc. I know that there are issues with some of the ideas that I am putting forth here, but everybody has a reason for having their car, and yes we as a society are set so that it is harder to move around with out a car, and yes the fact that i am fit makes it easier for me to advocate for cycling, that and the fact that I dont have to be dressed up when I get to my job, or to see clients, so there is a need for steps to be taken away from cars, baby steps, and yes more fuel efficency is a good thing, if people dont just drive more because they are saving on gas, the age old the more you make the more you spend paradigme. So I leave you with this, think of one obstacle and a solution to that obstacle and work to change it. Right now I am coming up with a birthday challange for myself that centers around these such things. My 32nd birthday is in May hopefully I can come up with something monumentous by then if not,it will have to wait until next year. Health comes first and I have a lot on my plate right now, but the seed is being planted. Baby steps, even if it starts with one day a month alternative transportation, do it. YOur mother earth will thank you for this. Reduce Reuse Recycle and Simplfy, ask yourself do I really need to do it the way I always have, what small thing can I change, I bet you will find that it is not that hard, the hardest part is just getting out the door. 90% is in the mind, once at it, you will see that it is not as hard as you may have thought, and I could be wrong but I doubt it. Alternative transportation has the ability to change so many things other than just congestion, childhood obestiy, our obesity problem. The real question is how to make it appealing to not be in a car in a car dominant society. Heres to gas price increases which will have a dramtic effect on all things, but will motivate people, as the age old saying goes hit em where it counts. Back to the larger issue our dependence cars, it is an infastructure problem, combine with the fact that other options are not conviently avalible. We as a society and community must analyze all these things and work towards change, locally and globally. I for one would like to leave a legacy that my children are proud of, not one that they have to clean up after. I am a huge advocate of personal responsibity, a ideal that we as a society have lost touch with, but that is another rant all together. I know I am prone to ranting and raving about the issues. We are startign a garden in front of our house, and working to do somethings to create a sense of pride and ownership in our small couple of blocks. More on that later. Stay strong and as always keep pedaling. If anybody wants some really good stickers that are political in nature, check these out and print them out yourself.

Vulture profile

This will be a quick one, I will add to it later, check out a the link to read about the Vulture himself. Good job Gonter. I can not say enough good things about Wade, he is down to earth and a friend to all. He has always welcomed me in to his home with open arms, and usually a cold PBR or a cup of coffee. The man is one of my favorite people. Like I said above I will expand later, the world out there is calling me out.

quick one....

Green seems to be every where. Tour of California, zero emmisions, check it out. Clif bar rocks. very forward thinking. So is patagonia, and many others. It is possible to run a profitable, sustainable business in this day and age, lets keep advancing towards living in natural harmony with the world, the information is out there, you just have to look for it and really take a look at the way you live, your subconcious thoughts and break molds. The superbowl will take care of its gases by planting 1,000 trees for the second year in a row. Looks like we are getting the point. no drilling in alaska, think less cars too. lets change the way we live a bit here. think less is more. yin yang all of that. cliche. oposites. rage on. green seems to be the new catch word.

settling in

Well it seems that lifes transition is well still in transition. I am working on myself, on my relationship with myself and my partner and on finding out what really makes me happy. I am trying out being night bartender/ manager at my old job, well that starts tommarrow, but what I am really working for is a meaning, a purpose. Until overtraining it was racing, now that seems to be a season off at least, and then probably in a different light, it has really brought me face to face with finding what I really want to do with my life. I am defining much right now, I am up to the challange, I am embracing all the little changes that go on, most of the time. I always thought as a kid that I would have it all figured out by now, I wasnt going to be like my parents who I thought were not suceeding, I was going to show them. Lets just say I have a different perspective on all that right now, on what it means to be an adult, and the choices and sacrifices that they made. As with all fasets of life you have a choice everyday to invent or reinvent your life, you are not stuck with any one path, mind you changing direction mid flow is not the easiest choice but as with all aspects of our human existence we have choices. Not making a choice to change or to search out your path is still making a choice. Action reaction. I have many ideas many things that I am pursueing for the summer. I am not going to sit idle by and watch it all pass thinking that I have to do anything other than make a plan to where i would like to go and know that along the way there will be lessons learned and with new information comes new decisions. As a 5 year old I made a pact that I knew better, and that I would have stuck it out and how could it have been that bad, speaking of my parents divorce, I saw all in black and white, I was going to have the answers before I lept, well in my mind that has held me back. I wanted to know for certain that it would be a certain way before I went, not on all things but the real big life things. I wanted to have a purpose for every move, for ever action, to have a reason. I have not really picked a career, not that I have to, I have said no to marriage, to kids, mostly out of fear of repeating my parents mistakes. That way the rightous kid inside can be right, can prove that he had the answers, that he didnt make the same mistakes. Might I ask myself if that is really a full life. I have done many things, had many experiences, taken risks, I have lived at full speed most of the time. I am in no way saying that I have been timid in my persuit of life, and having a life, I am just saying that I am in a tremendously defining time and I am willing to challange those personal views and assumptions that I made and that is what is taking most of my energy. I want to be free of these assumptions so I am not putting myself under the pressure to race right now so that I can define why it is I really race, I want it to be for me, not for outside praise. I want to be proud and humble and happy all at the same time as doing some really amazing things and while living an unconvetional existence. So if you are still reading this thank you. I hope that it has made some sense, as I am just getting it all out right now, just having one of those brain dump moments where it just helps me to type and get it all out of my head. My friend said that after he overtrained he went through a huge defineing time, now I know what he was talking about. Like I said a while back, I am sure after this is all over I will say it was very positive, just riding out the rapids right now. rage on and as always keep pedaling, for a better existence, for yourself, for health or fun, for meditation, just pedal on my friends.