Tuesday, May 20, 2008

I must admit...

I haven't been blogging or riding as much as I would like. I have been bogged down here in the city, working. I still try to get a ride in each weekend, lately it has been about 2 or 3 hours. I fear that I won't be racing The Test of Metal, it is a co workers 30th birthday, and the other day bartender just gave her notice, means I have to do a bunch more work than I would like. I still hope that I can get one of the newbies up to speed so that I can make it to this race, after all I did somehow manage to get accepted in to it. The Creampuff, I just hope it doesn't hurt me too bad...my fitness is not were I would like it to be. I will soldier on and hope all goes well, that is if the snow melts there. Last I heard Aid 2 was under 8 ft of snow. Well I have a 3 day weekend coming up, gonna get out of town, do some camping, and hopefully a bunch of riding.

It seems to me that city life is not necessarily for me, not enough open space. I grew up in the sticks of Vermont and used to think that the city was where it was at, not that I want to live as far out as my father, but I would like to return to a place the size of Burlington, VT or a bit smaller. I feel as though I am always on top of other people and cities seem to bring out the worst in people. All the stop and go and congestion. One of my co workers just quit to move to NYC, I can't even imagine what that is going to feel like. Seattle to NYC talk about stimulus overload. I wish him all the luck in the world. Lately I have just been feeling like I need to get out, to leave the routine, the familiar behind for the road. I would like to take some time to tour on my bike, with no real schedule, no time line, deadline or have to do's, I have always been so focused on the goal, on being faster, getting through school, I would like to cruise for a bit, to see things from a different perspective. I have always had so many bills and have to's, I feel like I would like to take the time to go on a journey a quest so to speak....ah this all sounds a bit far fetched and overly simple...or what's the word i am looking for? I believe that we are all on our own journey's and that if we pay attention life will send us messages and direct us to what it is we are here to do....for some it comes easy, for some the static of life derails them and gets them off track, and they don't even try to find there way back and for others it is more of a struggle. I am reading a book right now, I only read it in small amounts to take it in and think about what it is I am reading, called Hardcore Zen Punk Rock, monster movies and the TRUTH about reality by Brad Warner. It is about Buddhism, which I will not try to summarize here and now, because I do not pretend to have a grasp on it all. A lot of what he says makes sense and resonates within me. It seems to boil down to questioning and the fact that there is no silver bullet, no single way or answer, there is what works for you. Taken from the back cover: "Question your conclusions, your judgments, your answers. Question this. If you question everything thoroughly enough, the truth will eventually git you upside the head and you will know. But here's the warning: It won't be what you imagined. It won't even be close." There you have it. I will probably have to read this book a few times to take it all in. Questions are they way to self discovery......through some of my own questioning I have begun down a path that I hope leads me where I am supposed to be...but then again wherever you are there you are. I have now rambled on and on about who knows what and hopefully made some sense. thanks to all who stuck with it this far and as always keep pedaling.

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